I dont want to keep pretending to be this out there girl thats direct, doesnt give a fuck, and just acts without a filter. Its not who i am.
Who i really am, is just a little shitlet, that hides in her fucking bedroom, and runs away from everything. I’ve been running my entire life, and its all i know how to do, and its all i ever do. I feel like out of the fight or flight response I try to pretend like i can do everything and that i’m tough and i can take on everything and be happy and carefree and invincible. I’m not. everyone is so much more bigger than me, and theres nothing else i can do with myself other than cover myself, and cower away.
Like i could sit in the shade and wish and hope i had all these traits that everyone else had, but i never could. and i’m just going to keep pretending to be something i’m not when all i’ll ever be is karol. The girl that sat in the corner. The girl nobody ever paid mind to, just a door mat.
point blank, i just run from everything, and its so much better like that. its better for me to be lonesome, and pathetic, than to dissapoint all these other people. its how its always been and probably how it should stay.